Girl
It’s been a couple weeks since the girl I was seeing decided to call it quits, and I, for reasons unknown, just couldn’t shake it off. I like to think of myself as pretty thick-skinned, and although not accustomed to rejection, I have had my fair share of dumpee experiences. There was something about this time, though, that felt strange and different. It wasn’t like we had been dating for very long and it wasn’t like we were the most compatible of mates, but after the end of a relationship that lasted less than two months, I was left in a physically torpid state. On the outside I felt like I had turned to stone or some kind of senseless jelly, but on the inside there was a restless mind that kept me up at night with nagging regrets. It was really strange; I hadn’t even felt like this after the end of my one and only major relationship that lasted about two years. Was it because I really really liked her? Was it because the end came as a bit of a blindside and I was still a bit shellshocked?
During these past few weeks, I tried to go through the motions of life the best I could. I went out with friends, partied, drank… everything I would normally do, but it all felt different. Almost like everything I knew was dimmer than before, or I wasn’t actually participating in the events I was witnessing; I was just watching first-person screen shots from the backrow of my brain. Life was just substitute for life. But just for a little while.
The other day, something clicked.
It wasn’t a mental reset button or a conscious “out of sight, out of mind” thing. I just woke up and things just seemed their usual, humorous selves. The music that I listened to during my commute to work wasn’t different, but it wasn’t so poignant and ironic anymore. It was just music… Fucking good music. The thought of my ex-girl’s “nightmare boobs*” were no longer haunting, but more like sweet fuzzy memories that gave me a happy semi. The first night sleeping with this new, clear head was full of the same old “what if” scenarios that follow my recap of the day’s highlights, the ones that make me randomly laugh and shake my head.
The REC
Appendix 1A: Nightmare _______ (sexual organ or other body part) - A part of your ex boyfriend/girlfriend’s body that was so amazing/influential that it haunts you. Hence, Nightmare. ORIGIN: Sam B. Smith Beardius Mountainmanius
