This past weekend was quite the experience.
This weekend was the stoplight party on the rooftop portion of Roofers and everyone who didn’t make it should know that their presence wasn’t missed at all because we were too busy having way too much fun.
Well except for me anyway. I endured what might have been one of my first experiences in the art of “getting your heart torn out and thrown across the room where it hits the wall and then slides down in an oozy trail.”
I would like to say I have pretty thick skin. My personality is not just an attempted projection of my ideals, it’s a defense mechanism that I have built up over the years to safeguard my own insecurities (overweight in elementary school, horrible acne in middle school and beginning of high school, and premature ejaculation at all times [just joking <but seriously>]). So, especially when it comes to women, I never ever ever ever get emotional. If a girl shirks me, fuck it, plenty of other girls around. This time, it was different.
So as I have mentioned in posts before, there’s a girl with which I am absolutely enamored. I really don’t think I’ve ever felt like this way for anyone else. Seriously people. Fucking serious shit here. She’s also expressed that she had somewhat mutual feelings for me, and we’ve hit it off quite well. I’d say better than that; we’ve hit it off hopelessly awesomely ridiculously well.
Anyways, on Saturday night, we were both getting quite knackered as the night progressed and at one point in the night she pulled me aside. I can’t remember EXACTLY all that was said, but the discussion (and let’s say discussion is not the most apt word for it. Almost felt like she was telling me off for something wrong that I did) was about how us being together was a dumb, futile idea. Some apt quotes were:
“I know I’m just saying this because I’m drunk, but I don’t care about you. And you shouldn’t care about me too. All I care about is me and my friends.”
“This is all a waste of time, so we should just stop trying.”
As quick as a guerrilla raid, she jumped in, riddled me with bullet holes and then was gone. Now for those people who claim that things like love, affection, and longing, are just physiological components with chemical and biological triggers, I say, you’re probably right but I still hate you and your realist viewpoints.
I just stood at the bar, stunned. My lips were tightly drawn and I couldn’t see anything; my eyes just focused on a medium level that I’m pretty sure your eyes set to when you die, your default focus. My friends didn’t notice notice anything was a miss until they saw the broken down expression on my face, and I didn’t have to say a word. Kathleen, one of my closest friends, instantly put her arms around me and began to comfort me.
Dear readers, I’ve never shed a tear for a girl, but I couldn’t help from tearing up at this point. It was the simultaneous feeling of unrecompensed love from a girl I longed for as well as the unconditional love a true friend. It hit me like the first ten minutes of UP, but less animated.
In conclusion: This girl and I, by the end of the night, talked out our troubles and happily went home together. She apologized for saying things she didn’t mean and I apologized for being a huge pussy of a man. We decided to call it even. Then we woke up early in the morning and played with some orphans. Whew. Sorry for the long post.
REC